What do you do when your mind is spinning at a speed faster than you can keep up? When thoughts occur, evoke an emotional reaction, disappear, only to be replaced by another thought, another reaction, and so on… some people may call it overthinking, others may recognise it as spiralling.
It is not something I am used to- and it took me off-guard when it occurred with intensity one fine morning, as I tried to gather my thoughts on what the heck I was supposed to be doing that day anyway.
I had been sick almost a month by this time. The usual viral infections and then influenza, except they hit me and my family harder than usual at end of the year, amid strenuous circumstances. I was supposed to begin the year with a new direction and strategy on the work front, except when I finally recovered enough to sit down and get to it, I felt simply… lost.
Perhaps the break disoriented me, perhaps the illness did. Perhaps the change of direction with work. But here I was, willing myself to focus on something.. anything, and feeling the sky starting to spin above my head.
I remember finally closing my eyes and simply watching the image of a spinning sky in my mind.. and then out of nowhere, a face- a familiar face, calling clearly- “Here.”
This may seem funny perhaps, but the face belonged to nobody I know personally- it was a snippet from a video where the poet David Whyte is reciting a poem called “Lost” by another poet, David Wagoner. I have watched that video a dozen times over the course of several years. Here is the poem:
“Stand still. The trees ahead and bushes beside you
Are not lost. Wherever you are is called Here,
And you must treat it as a powerful stranger,
Must ask permission to know it and be known.
The forest breathes. Listen. It answers,
I have made this place around you.
If you leave it, you may come back again, saying Here.
No two trees are the same to Raven.
No two branches are the same to Wren.
If what a tree or a bush does is lost on you,
You are surely lost. Stand still. The forest knows
Where you are. You must let it find you.”
– David Wagoner
I heard that call of “Here,” twice, then I slowed down and tried to place it fully. “You may come back again, saying Here”, I remembered. I recall beginning to notice- “ok what’s here?” And I started to feel my shoulders as if they had just come back into existence from thin air. I felt myself “land” in the chair I was already sitting on. I remembered all the things which were already in place for me to pick back up work-wise, whereas a few moments back I had been chasing unfounded and ungrounded questions and ideas.
There was a lot of richness here. Waiting for me to come back. Things were absolutely fine and friendly “here”. I recovered a sense of knowing. Felt my mind and body slow down, become available to me again. I even felt a sense of elation looking at the work I had already done to set myself up for this year. And I knew what to do next.
It is an experience I have facilitated countless times for clients. Moving from overwhelm, confusion and feeling lost to finding clarity, calmness, agency. Contrary to what we might expect, this transition from confusion to clarity does not come from “trying to figure out” the right answers. It is not an intellectual exercise. Trying hard to figure things out usually leads to overthinking and spiralling.
The answers we seek typically do not exist in the same plane as the problem. And to shift the plane, we must be able to let go of clutching the problem so tight.. before the answer is known.
Whether you can see ahead, and in fact what you see, are a function of your internal state. It is about how you are engaging with the situation in the here and now. The only point of engagement, the only point of power or change is the moment you are in.
Your mind and body are usually trying to help you at any moment. We however only pay attention to linguistic thoughts. There’s a whole lot of other communication that goes on- through body sensations, energy changes, voice, imagination, cravings, and so on. There is always guidance “here”.
It bears saying that the arrival of a timely intuitive multimedia experience for me, with the precise call of “Here”, is really not something uncommon, supernatural or esoteric. Most people I work with are able to receive such guidance from within themselves, which is relevant, resonant and useful. It is a part of the human experience and available to everyone on tuning in with themselves. Of paying attention to what’s happening here within you, around you.
For me the moment shifted when in a brief window I stopped running after my thoughts of past and future, and gave myself over to watching the spiralling sky in my mind. Uncomfortable as it was, staying with what was happening here.
The anchoring guidance is continuing to help me in the days and weeks since, navigating both my own little world, as well as trying to stay centered as the world around gets crazier and crazier.
PS: If you’d like to watch the poetry video referenced above, watch it here
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